John Helmantoler

"This airport is possibly the worst maintained in North America. Fly out of DCA."

"Did they film the Karate Kid here? With the pool in the courtyard, I'm expecting Mr. Miyagi to catch the flies in the lobby with a chopstick."

"Request Katie - best massage/shampoo ever"

"The Chicken with Summer Salad was rubbery. Also, don't walk around the store as a Dad without your daughter too long, as security starts looking at you like a pedophile"

"Go around to the back, this is where the bags come out (not the front, where everybody waits)"