Chris Smith

"The only reason to eat here is if you lost a bet or you're completing a dare in some gonzo gray colored meat competition."

"The lobby smells like pennies, Seneca cigarettes, and regret."

"There are dozens of superior options within three blocks of this tar pit of suburban ennui unleashed on our urban streets. Make better choices, your Mom is disappointed in you."

"If you're eating here, I assume that everyone who has ever loved you has left you."

"Take a look around for a moment, drink it in. That you're here says something about you and all the choices you've made which have led to this nadir. Have the courage to make better choices, leave."

"Be sure to swing by the hot bar during your visit! Get some lukewarm fried foods while wrestling with all the choices that led you to this low point."